My First Love

    A lot of people spend their whole lives trying to find a great job or person. For me I was in love before I knew what that was. Sounds weird, right? Allow me to explain…

    I have ALWAYS been an artist. My earliest memories are of drawing; in dirt, mud,, paper, sidewalks, homework, lol. I’m a people watcher by nature, which makes me an introvert perhaps, but I can mimic your mannerisms. So far it’s been enough.

     They say it takes ten thousand hours to master any skill. So if you start at, say, three and you’re now forty six… you should be okay, right? 

Sure.

    The REAL trick was uncoupling my skills from my emotions. Because over the years it became tied to my anger and frustration. That part almost killed me. Honestly, it’s not completely done yet. Sometimes it’s still trying to kill me. I’m aware of this. I fight it. Mostly.

       I’m telling you all this because I recently had a VERY confusing interaction with another artist. He’d only just started and was doing really well. He was asking me what it was like when I started out and I had no answers for him. He may as well have asked me what my first breath tasted like, you know?

    He became irritated with me and decided to unfriend me because I was selfish and didn’t want to help him. But I couldn’t. But it made me feel bad. So, I guess I’m going to have to take classes.

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Anchor of Life

       I keep allowing myself to be buried in work! I want to believe that it’s dedication and drive, but honestly, it’s my inability to turn down projects right now.

      For instance I have an appointment with my bank to set up an account for my art. Why? Because supplies and payments. I was doing everything through my personal account; now that I’m making a profit, I need to separate the income for tax purposes.

    Anyway, what does that have to do with the bunny? Well, the bunny was a rare thing; it was done for FUN. Which tells me that I’ve stepped off of the golden path.

      I wanted all of my projects to be fun. I want to be well paid for what I do by choice. Right now a lot of the work I have coming up isn’t mine. It’s for others. The good news is that the deposits have rid me of those who won’t pay. 

      I never realized how easy it was to fall back into “the daily grind”.


I Could Stay… maybe

Breath it in and breath it out

and pass it on it’s almost out

We’re so creative and so much more

We’re high above but on the floor

I feel alive

If you don’t have it your on

the other side

The deeper you stick it in your vein

The deeper the thoughts there’s no more pain

I’m in heaven I’m a god

I’m everywhere I feel so hot

I feel alive

If you don’t have it your on

the other side

I’m not an addict (maybe that’s a lie)

Oohoo (8x)

It’s over now, I’m cold, alone

I’m just a person on my own

Nothing means a thing to me

Oh, nothing means a thing to me

I feel alive

Free me, leave me

Watch me as I’m going down

Free me, see me

Look at me I’m falling

And I’m falling………

It is not a habit, it is cool

I feel alive I feel…….

It is not a habit, it is cool

I feel alive

I feel alive

I’m not an addict, I’m not an addict, I’m not an addict.


Am I Real

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   I have a fractured index finger on my drawing hand. It happened while I was doing my other job. My hand was swollen for a few days. Well, it still is,  but I haven’t the time to care for it properly.

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    #inktober has been an interesting experience for me. I’d forgotten how to get through those days when you’re not motivated. Now I get anxious when I’m not doodling something. Achievement unlocked, huh?

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      This picture is one I’m very proud of because it was completed while I was in a LOT of pain! The markers weren’t that bad to manage, but I did all the fleshtones with prismacolor pencils; I had to bear down to shade and it wasn’t pleasant.

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      Focus became the name of the game. When it was done, I had a real sense of accomplishment. I can’t wait to end this month!  I have some really big projects in mind. Hopefully you guys like them as well.

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Safe Passage

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     Walking into work. As you can tell, I managed to hold myself together.

Yay me.

     Honestly, I am really tired of bouncing from crisis to crisis. A plan of attack that I can believe in would be better than what’s currently working. So today I’m sitting down with my newest employees and working out a battle plan.

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       The first part is to finally get rid of my truck. Shouldn’t be too hard, right?..

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      Plus, I’m finishing up the repairs my home needs. Just focus. That’s what my life has been missing a lot of lately. My usual attention to detail has been lacking.
     I know this post seems negative, but we all need to back up sometimes and see our own big pictures. The details are great, but when things aren’t working out they can overwhelm you. I’m still dealing with that.

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Lie Until Morning

      Someday I’ll write a book about how I found myself in a hotel room trying to convince myself to be alive in the morning.


Breach

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      As you can see,  I’m still working on the house. I’m painting the laundry room once I put the ceiling in and get myself some much needed tile. When I took the cabinet down I emptied it but should have checked the top as well. As soon as I moved the shelf it was raining panties, tampons and plaster.

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        After washing my hair,  it was time to finish the floor. I fixed the gaping hole in it and added drywall patches around the edges of the floor. Finally, I added the linoleum to the room.  It immediately made a difference in the appearance.

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         I’m sure it would have been possible to finish it all at once, but I had other commitments and didn’t want to. It’ll get done, in my own time…